Am I all that different?

I have had the idea to start a new blog for quite some time, but there have always been a million imagined obstacles. I don't have time, my writing isn't perfect, it's meandering, I don't have time to take pictures....the first entry isn't perfect. For each minute of the day and each thought I had, there was an imagined reason to not post a blog. I could make up 100 clinical reasons why I didn't post the blog, but I think, honestly, I just needed the right impetus.

A few days ago, I made what I thought was a harmless Facebook post. True, I did make it on a public forum, for National Bi Visibility Day. I did state that I was "bisexual". But for some reason, perhaps because I have not received feedback regarding my preferences for quite some time, the publicity of the statement of my sexuality never crossed my mind. However, later that evening I received a phone call from a concerned relative wanting to ensure that my marriage was okay. When I picked up the phone, I still didn't make the connection, because I have recently struggled with my marriage. I will discuss the struggle I feel being in a relationship with someone who generally wants to make a life with me. The clinical label that goes with the behavior I exhibit is "borderline personality disorder". It's a struggle to remain in caring relationships. To let people love me without sabotaging the relationship. But I value the partnership that I am cultivating with the wonderful person in my life I think of as my rock. My husband is my partner, my equal, my lover, and I feel comfortable yelling and struggling with him. I feel sure that we will come out the other end. However, I digress. The point is that they haven't touched base with us in some time, and we are still assuring friends and family that we are okay, and very much in love. So I didn't think anything of the call.And then she started talking about my post. Her words were not very important, as I couldn't continue to listen to them without steam starting to exit my ears cartoon style. I was sure that my face was turning to a beet, radish cross as I struggled to remain calm and compassionate. No, relative of my, a statement of my sexuality is not the same as trying to make a sexual advance publicly. No, I don't wish to humiliate my partner. No, I don't feel that publicly stating my sexual preferences undermines my partnership, because stating my proclivities is not the same as being a prostitute. Does that mean that if someone is heterosexual, and they state, "I'm straight," that they are cheating on their loved ones?I had not thought that making it clear that I identify with a group of people that have been marginalized and ostracized, making it clear that I am married, but I could just as easily have been denied the rights that same-sex couples are routinely denied was a statement that would embarrass my husband. To be clear: because I think that my previous Facebook post was not clear. I am out of the closet. I am not politically correct, but I make every effort to apologize and take responsibility for my actions when I make mistakes. I am compassionate. I am a feminist; I believe that women are people. I am bisexual; I love women and men equally, as individuals. I am demisexual; I fall in love with people, not faces, and only people I know fairly well. I am kinky; I like to explore the limits of sensation and push the boundaries of traditional relationships. I am Jewish, I am vegetarian, I am tattooed and pierced, I am depressed, anxious and I have other mentally ill behavior. I am inherently flawed, as a human being. I also embrace difference. I choose not to judge other people because of their differences. I choose to see people as a whole, to seek to understand their intent and be friends with them because differences can be beautiful. And because I've outed myself, does that mean that I'm a different person? Because you know my proclivities with my husband, does that make me less good? Less of something? Should I be embarrassed that I want everyone to make a choice to see other people as equal even when they know other people are different? Or is it only okay to be different if you keep it behind closed doors, don't ask, don't tell.I am not an activist, but this is my story, and I choose to tell it, flaws and all. This is my closet. Welcome.

(Published Sep 27, 2015 on Blogspot: Am I all that different?)