• Don't be condescending to Leanne or anyone (5/28/2014)

• Don't show off knowledge or skills (5/28/2014)

• Spend more time observing and thinking than talking (5/28/2014)

• Leanne thinks I need to get used to texting less and being more present

• |A/L: 1/20/19:

  • Leanne thinks I’ve gotten better at the items mentioned above but still sometimes struggle when I think my way is the only way. In these situations, I resort to condescension sometimes. Be more aware of this and ask Leanne to call me out on it.

• |A: 1/24:

  • Leanne expressed aggravation at me pushing her to work on the gift card status last night after work when all she wanted to do was relax after an exhausting day.

  • She feels I ignore her feelings and prioritize getting things done and thinks instead I should focus on her feelings before getting stuff done

  • Also when I give her the option to not do something, she feels compelled to do it because she doesn’t want to disappoint me. So giving her the option isn’t enough, I have to accept her decision without any sense of judging/disappointment

• |A/L: 1/27:

  • Leanne feels like I sometimes get in my own world and it clouds my thought

• |A/L: 2/10:

  • Leanne feels I wasn’t condescending, even though we did get into a fight

• |A/L: 3/4:

  • Leanne feels I’m getting better but definitely in my own world lately which she doesn’t like

• |A: 4/1:

  • I feel I’ve improved a lot with this but Tara says I have a pedantic Jesus-like ego and that I need to work on that

• Leanne thinks I’m doing well with all of these things.

• Leanne thinks I do better with the texting less and being more present still but the rest are good

• Leanne thinks that Alex has been doing a good job about trying to balance his attention to Tara, Leanne, Laddice but could use some self care time, especially considering all the travel he’s doing this month.  

• We’ve talked about not letting my tasks control me. Both Leanne and Tara agree that I need to do something about being overwhelmed with my task lists because it’s affecting my ability to sleep. I came up with some plans with their help:

  • 1) Don’t use my phone at night or in the morning if I plan to keep sleeping. Also don’t use the computer in the early morning if I need more sleep. Put my phone away from reach

  • 2) I made a master list for tracking my logs to help me plan out reducing my logging in a way that maintains the record

  • 3) I’m considering to have a one day a week planning for my daily tasks so that I don’t have to do them all daily but rather in particular days and hence can maintain the habit of doing them, just not as frequently. Make a task for this.

• Leanne thinks I’ve been doing well lately

• I think Alex has been doing well lately and has been helpful and sensitive to people’s feelings.

• I think Alex has been doing well with balancing these things as well as communicating his feelings. He tends to be cold and aloof when he needs to get his feelings across, however.

• I sometimes get frustrated with how often Alex is on his phone, but I understand that it sometimes can’t be helped and that I am also on my phone a lot.

  • My challenge is that sometimes I feel worried about upsetting Tara when I say I’m busy with you and that it will make her jealous. This is something that I’m focusing on improving with her.

• I feel like Alex has gotten a little better about phone usage in the past couple of weeks which I am grateful for

• Logging: I feel that the timing of Alex’s logging sometimes gets in the way of experiencing moments with people or can just be frustrating when we’re trying to have a conversation. Tara suggested that instead of logging less, choose different times to log or simply ask “is it okay if I log this quickly?”

  • Leanne still feels my logging is getting in the way of time with her sometimes

  • Leanne still feels like my phone usage is a lot but she is trying to learn to be more patient with that.

• 2/16/2021

  • Reviewed this with Leanne and we both agreed I have completely improved in all of these areas, most struggling with the phone issue but with some focus on that I’m doing well now there too.

  • After 5 years, I have successfully address all of these issues.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbesbusinesscouncil/2024/06/12/the-hidden-realities-of-becoming-an-executive-leader/

Becoming an executive can represent an amazing career opportunity. However, success is not guaranteed.

The Hidden Realities Of Becoming An Executive Leader

Vince Molinaro

Forbes Business Council

Jun 12, 2024,10:30am EDT

Dr. Vince Molinaro, CEO of Leadership Contract Inc., is a NY Times best-selling author, board adviser & leadership accountability expert.

One of the most frequent questions I get asked in my work with high-potential leaders is: What does it really take to become an executive-level leader?

Becoming an executive can represent an amazing career opportunity. However, success is not guaranteed. I have found that, through my own executive roles and in collaborating with seasoned executives from around the world, there is a lot to the role that is not always apparent. Many things are implicit, and you only learn about them through being in the role and trial and error.

Here are some hidden elements of being an effective and successful executive leader that I have learned in my career. I summarize them below using the acronym: EXECUTIVE.

E: Embrace real ownership.

Many new executives fail to grasp how critical personal ownership is to their success. They may understand it intellectually but may not grasp it in a visceral sense. What this means is that you must take full ownership of outcomes—both the successes and failures. This level of accountability is at the heart of an effective executive, underlining a leader's commitment to their role and their responsibility for the outcomes of their decisions.

X: eXercise grounded realism.

Executives must have an unwavering commitment to reality. You will need to engage with the world as it is, not as you wish it to be. So, you need to ensure you have a clear understanding of the current reality of situations. You will need to manage your emotional reactions as they can serve to blind you to what is really going on. It means surrounding yourself with a team who has the courage to tell you the truth.

This realism is the bedrock upon which all sound decision-making rests, demanding a leader's keen ability to distinguish fact from fiction. It also means courageously facing the hard facts of any situation without sugarcoating. It is about a relentless pursuit of truth, which forms the cornerstone of genuine leadership accountability.

E: Expect high standards.

Executive leadership requires expecting and maintaining high standards and being uncompromising about them. Leaders must set the bar high, not only for themselves but also for everyone around them, fostering a culture of excellence and accountability at all levels. It also means addressing issues if others fail to meet the standards.

C: Commit to tackling tough issues.

It is critical to be decisively committed to the hard aspects of leadership. As I write in my book, The Leadership Contract, too many leaders, even at the executive level, avoid this hard work. You will need to have the ability and confidence to make difficult business decisions, have tough conversations, speak truth to power, address thorny people issues and provide candid feedback to people.

U: Uphold exemplary behavior.

Setting an example is a non-negotiable aspect of executive leadership. It is about embodying the very values and standards you expect from others. This demonstration of personal integrity and dedication is a guiding light for the entire organization. It is being calm in the face of adversity. It is recognizing that you do not become the crisis in a crisis. It is always coming off as an executive and having the presence and aura.

T: Trust with oversight.

You will need to trust others, as this will be critical for your success. But you must verify things even if you do not have the expertise. Blind trust will lead to problems. This applies to a range of stakeholders: team members, contractors, partners and even customers. Having a bit of skepticism is helpful.

I: Intuition will guide you.

Leveraging your intuition and gut feelings is important even in a data-driven world. Utilizing intuition effectively means balancing hard data with the nuanced understanding that comes from experience, particularly in complex and unprecedented situations.

What helps is reading broadly, having a curiosity about business and how companies work, and using this knowledge to question when something seems off. When that feeling in your gut tells you something is missing in a conversation or situation, then you must act on it. Explore the issue to determine whether you need to pay attention to it.

V: Value business and financial acumen.

The health of the business is on you. You have a fiduciary obligation to ensure the company is strong across several key variables. Having a keen interest in how business works and understanding a business's financial and data side is critical—it must excite and jazz you up. Leverage this knowledge to anticipate issues and make good business decisions. It also means finding opportunities to build greater business and financial acumen among the team.

E: Endure in tough times.

Leadership is much easier when things are going well. The real test of leadership happens when challenges arise. That is when your leadership is really evaluated. You will be carrying the weight of the company. You will need resilience and personal resolve to ensure you can navigate challenges, embodying the spirit of perseverance and strength. It is also helpful to understand how to manage your emotions and personal stress. And build a personal community of people you can go to for inspiration, advice and wise counsel.

Many of the elements required to be a successful executive are often hidden beneath the surface of the role. Ascending to executive leadership demands embracing ownership, realism, high standards and the resolve to face tough issues. Success hinges on setting a strong example, balancing trust with verification and blending intuition with analytical insight. Financial acumen and the ability to endure challenges are also critical. These are all critical to not only rising to an executive position but also ensuring you thrive once you are in the role.

• Guideline

  • Psychology

  • Analytical thinking

  • Organizational skills

  • Project management

  • Teaching/explaining

  • Creativity

• Breakdown

• Guidelines

  • Public speaking

    • Improved a lot

  • Relaxing

    • Need more improvement

  • Focus

    • Improved some, need more improvement

  • Awareness

    • Improved some, need more improvement

    • Meditation training, work harder to focus during meditation

  • People skills

    • Okay, but could be more comfortable when talking to people in groups

  • Memory

    • Work on peg method more

  • Decision making

    • I get lost in the details and need work on coming to a decision swiftly

  • Stubbornness and the inability to see Leanne’s perspective (quoted by Leanne on 9/4/2016)

    • She was mad at me for wanting to review her life document and do the progression report

    • She said she thinks I feel like it is the only way: my way or the highway

• Breakdown

  • People skills

    • Confidence in communicating with people

      • Develop my personality weaknesses

        • Become more sanguine, people like it sometimes (Leanne)

        • Be more enthusiastic

        • Top 5 books

        • Find the Bright spot CD

      • Speaking publically

        • Toastmasters

        • Other speech practices and training

          • Practice on my own and with family and friends

          • Practice by be aware of my own speech habits day-to-day

    • Being a person of moral authority

      • Develop my character

        • See LLR

        • Refer to Personal Virtues

        • I need to do this because there is an inherent human tension towards taking advantage of others and this inclination will increase as I become more powerful.  I need to make sure I keep control of myself. (&I)

    • Connecting to people while in crowds and overall comfort among groups of people I’m unfamiliar with

      • Meeting new people

        • Remember their names

        • Remember the things they care about

    • Networking

      • Linkedin

      • Meetup

      • etc.

    • Maintaining friendships

      • Stay in touch with people

    • Making new friendships

  • Communal activity

    • I’m not satisfied with my current level of help to others...I could do better in this respect

      • Mentorship

  • Awareness and concentration

    • Mindfulness

      • Refer to Mindfulness class

      • Meditate

        • Refer to discussion with Dr. Chen (9/27/2014)

    • Driving

      • Focus more

    • Problem solving

      • Situation appraisal

        • KT method

  • Memory

    • Names and details about people

      • Train myself using memory techniques including Peg method

        • Continue practicing with numbers

        • Practice with names

• Guidelines

  • Make a note of all the times I feel inadequate at something and what it is

  • Make a note of all the times I get praised for my ability in something note what it is

  • Review 80/20 principle

• Breakdown

  • Identification of what I’m capable of

  • How to reach my capabilities

    • Ben Franklin method

      • Review the section in his autobiography and think about how it could apply to my life and ideals.  Basically, he created a list of 13 moral virtues based on all of his readings and very much influenced by various forms of religion (mostly Christian).  He simplified each into a single word that could be described in a short sentence.  He realized that he couldn't keep up with all of them at the same time so he decided to focus on one at a time.  He carefully chose the order so that one item would help with the next and so on.  The plan initially was to go through each item once for a month and finish in one year...but that didn't work.  However, he did see great progress and started over the cycle again.  This was very important to Franklin's success (as well as reading 1-2 hours daily) (*T)

  • Pushing the limits and extending my capabilities

• Guidelines

  • Try new things that I may not initially be enthused about

  • Be open to meeting and getting to know new people

  • Read a wider variety of books by a wider variety of authors

• Breakdown

  • Learning

    • Reading

    • Researching

    • Classes

    • People/mentorship —> Think about this

  • Activities

    • Try new things

      • Don’t really need to do the same things over and over again if I don’t truly enjoy them...instead try new things that I may not initially be enthused about

  • People

    • Get comfortable meeting new people

  • Places

    • Go to new places I’ve never been before that are different than what I’m used to